EXPECTATION IS A KILLER

In the barracks where I grew up, there was a particularly weird family of over 10 members I still remember till date.

"To your tent oh Israel" is a very good way to describe them. There was no functional Tv to keep them busy in the house and of course no internet and smart phones that time.

Early in the morning, the father goes to work, the mother her business and the children go out to wherever they call refuge.

One day, while we were playing. I heard a call from the Sister; Chavala, "Andrew! BonBoy!! who no dey no dey ooo". Like displaced ants when you take away the sugar cube, I saw Andrew, BonBoy and the Kid Sister running like Usain Bolt back home.

It was food, I found out. The meal was never enough in the house, so there was no need even rationing. Just put it in a dish and anyone available becomes lucky. This was strange to me, especially for the fact that it was the complete opposite in my family where I could sue my sister to court for not keeping my Breakfast because I went out early and came back when Lunch was ready.

Interestingly, Andrew, Chavala and BonBoy knew they were not guaranteed two square meals, so they became business minded. Chavala started a sugarcane business, BonBoi and Andrew helped people out in their farms to earn money. They also plucked mangoes from lambu (garden) to sell.

Its been more than 13 years since I parted with my friend Andrew. But I believe where ever he is, he is not sitting down idle somewhere waiting for 5,000 naira palliative. This is because from the tender age of 14, he learnt to care less about entitlements.

The society has helped us build delusional walls of entitlements, we feel we have a right to all the goodies in life, so we groan and and gnash our teeth when we don't get what we expect, rather than going all out to grab it by the horns.

Your brother earns some change today, then you feel you deserve a share in it because he is your brother. (He owes you nothing).

Our love life suffers because both parties feel entitled. She must come cook for you, she must come wash your clothes. He must provide monthly allowance else the relationship terminates.

The sooner we realize that entitlement is killing us gradually, the better for us. Always bear this in mind, nobody owes you something. If you depend on someone else to be happy then you are already in a mess. your partner would love you more when they know you don't cajole them emotionally into a barter kind of relationship.